As soon as you have a baby, people start telling you that you need a break from it. They tell you to put the baby in the crib and shower, leave the baby with a sitter and go to dinner, let the baby cry and put some makeup on.
I am telling you that none of that helps.
If you put the baby in the crib, he cries so loudly that you hate every minute of your shower. Or he is so quiet that you are sure he is managing to choke himself with a tag that he bit off a stuffed animal (never mind that he doesn’t have teeth yet), which then means that: